we're halfway home...

Well we're halfway through your work week on the down side of the slope and starting the cruise into the weekend. Time to make your weekend plans and make sure they include today's best country and your all-time favorites...

The 5 O'clock Traffic Jamz rolled along strong tonight. The mood was a little brighter and everyone wanted to get the party started as we hit the hump. Thanks to everyone for calling in to fill your all request ride home. Call us to get your musical stress reliever every night on the 5 O'Clock Traffic Jamz.

Tonight we debuted brand new music from a brand new artist, Craig Morgan. Love Remembers is the debut single from the Morgan's as yet unnamed next album. Craig is hoping to keep the momentum rolling forward from his last project. Please send us your comments on this tune and anything else you hear as the Catch of the Day.

Join me Thursday at 3pm more fun, frivolity and many other things that start with "f' on the Tri-State's #1 Country station KFLAG!!!!

Seth

April 30th's Country Hit-Kicker's Trivia

Trisha Yearwood stopped by Hit-Kickers today to chat about her book, Georgia Cooking in an Oklahoma Kitchen, debuting at #3 on the New York Time's Best Sellers List and what it means to Trisha to share this with her mother and sister, who were co-writers of the book.

COUNTRY HIT-KICKERS TRIVIA

What superstar took his stage name by combining the names of two towns on the Arkansas/Texas border?

Harold Jenkins combined the names of Conway, Arkansas and Twitty, Texas and became a country music legend as Conway Twitty.

I thought this was going to be a tough one, but y'all really surprised me so we had to call two winners on this one. Ray Rainey of Bullhead City gave me Conway's stage name, but Raquel Allen knew his given name, so I called it a tie and made them both winners.

Tune in at 2:30 every day, for KFLAG's Country Hit-Kickers and get the trivia question of the day and then again after 4:30 for your chance to show how much you know and win KFLAG Swag

Seth'z Bitz and Piecez

Nick Lachey will host the ABC summer reality series High School Musical: Summer Session. The show is currently looking for contestants between the ages of 16 and 22 with hopes of becoming part of "HSM history." Now if we could only make Nick Lachey "history"...

Donny and Marie Osmond have signed with the Flamingo Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas to perform a variety show scheduled to begin in September. Apparently there is no truth to the rumor that the show will be called "I'm a little bit senile, you're a little bit rocker roll"

Brooke Hogan was denied admission to several Florida Universities recently. The 19 year old "singer" was hoping to film scenes for her family's VH-1 reality series "Hogan Knows Best" while on an admissions tour of the campuses. The Universities' administrators did not object to the filming, but were highly concerned when they learned Brooke's brother Nick would be driving her to school daily.

Scientists in the UK are seeking 150 women to eat chocolate every day in a trial thar will test whether a natural compound in chocolate could cut the risk of heart disease among women with diabetes. The test has been delayed not by the government, but due to teh fact scientiests are having trouble limiting the survey to 150 volunteers.

and finally...

First a favor of Fritos, and now you can SMELL like Faith Hill's favorite country star. If you have ever wanted to smell like Tim McGraw, now is your chance. Coty Beauty, Inc has announced the launch of its new fragrance "McGraw by Tim McGraw" designed by the country superstar. The name of the fragrance beats my suggested name..."Smell Like You Are Dying"...

and that's all of my bits and pieces for today....see you on the radio!!!

HAPPY HUMPDAY FLAGGERS!

Thank you so much for all of the phone calls this morning! If you have any further comments on; what changes should be made to help American Idol increase ratings, whether or not women enjoy NASCAR, the Miley Cyrus’s photos for Vanity Fair or ideas or comments on the Morning Jolt please email Kirt and me at mornings@kflg.com. We would LOVE to hear from you!

Until tomorrow, were gone, goodbye, see ya!

Enter Once A Day To Win

Don't forget to enter to win the free 2-night weekend stay at Railroad Pass Hotel & Casino. The giveaway comes with a free dinner for 2 and you can enter once a day to increase your chances of winning. This is your chance to get out of Dodge and spend the weekend in new surroundings with lots of history. Winner will be chosen on May 9 so you've got 10 days to enter!

A TERRIFIC TUESDAY.....

Well we had a great Tuesday afternoon as we are working our way towards another hard earned weekend. The bosses must be taking the River Run weekend out on everyone, as I felt a lot of built up angst tonight, hopefully we got it all worked out with today's best country and your all-time favorites...

The 5 O'clock Traffic Jamz rolled along strong tonight. Seems everyone was in the mood to let it out, apparently we has a little office stress built up through out the tri-state today. Thanks to everyone for calling in to fill your all request ride home. Call us to get your musical stress reliever every night on the 5 O'Clock Traffic Jamz.

Tonight we debuted brand new music from a brand new artist, Fisher Stevenson. No Tomorrow Here Tonight is the debut single from the Virginia based singer's debut album. This may be the start of something big for the young artist. Please send us your comments on this tune and anything else you hear as the Catch of the Day.

Join me Wednesday at 3pm more fun, frivolity and many other things that start with "f' on the Tri-State's #1 Country station KFLAG!!!!

Seth

April 29th's Country Hit-Kicker's Trivia

Alan Jackson stopped by Hit-Kickers today to chat about his 32nd career #1 hit, Small Town Southern Man, and what it means to him to still be chart competitive after his years in the music game.

COUNTRY HIT-KICKERS TRIVIA

What superstar got his start as a member of the pop group, The First Edition?

Kenny Rogers first came to national attention when he performed with the First Edition on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1964.

Today's winner was Steve Allen of Bullhead City

Tune in at 2:30 every day, for KFLAG's Country Hit-Kickers and get the trivia question of the day and then again after 4:30 for your chance to show how much you know and win KFLAG Swag

Here are the signs to tell if someone is lying

There are dozens of verbal and non-verbal cues that suggest a person is fibbing, says Bella DePaulo, PhD, a psychologist specializing in relationships. So if you can handle the truth, here are the signs to tell if they're lying:

Ever heard your guy start a sentence by saying, "The truth is," or "Let me be honest with you"? If so, an alarm should go off in your brain.
If your wife says she can't remember how she spent that $200, search her eyes for the truth. It's not as noticeable as a twitch or a blink, but when someone is hemming-and-hawing, their pupils can dilate dramatically.
Your best friend tells you how great her date was last night, but you heard she was stood up. When you meet, she mumbles a few words about her date and falls silent. The total amount of time a fibber speaks falls short of someone who's speaking honestly.
You can actually hear it in his voice. If he's lying, he'll talk in a higher pitch than usual.
Lips can reveal a lot about a person. According to DePaulo, liars are more likely to press their lips together due to stress and tension in the face.
There's truth to the notion that if a story doesn't add up, it's made up.
Liars are more likely to repeat words and phrases, says linguist Cati Brown of the University of Georgia. "Repeating the same phrase is usually a sign that a person has rehearsed their conversation

THE BENEFITS OF BEER (AskMen.com)

Energy: Ounce-for-ounce, beer has one of the highest energy contents of any food or drink. Only pure fat can top it. So keep that in mind when you guzzle three or four at the local pub. Your average beer has about 120 calories, and four have as many calories as a Big Mac. That many calories can have dire consequences if you're trying to lose weight. One beer after work probably won't tip the scales in either direction, though. Drink beer in moderation and you won't hold on to all those extra calories.

Recovery: The latest research has found that beer has almost as many antioxidants as red wine, which is saying something. So how do beer and fitness go together at the recovery stage? A dark beer a few hours after a workout can deliver a good dose of antioxidants. Still, you'll probably want to reach for water and a healthy snack -- like fruit and yogurt -- immediately following your routine at the gym.

Hydration: Think that the alcohol in beer will dry you out? Think again. Researchers at the Granada University in Spain have found that beer can provide better hydration than water in some instances, like after a workout. Professor Manuel Garzon, the head of this study on beer and fitness, asked students to sweat it out in 104°F weather. Then he gave half of the students’ water and the other half beer. He found that the students who had a pint were slightly more hydrated.

The House Bunny TRAILER 2008

The Avi’s Race Your Ride

The Avi’s “Race Your Ride” event during this year’s Laughlin River Run was a huge success! Hundreds of racers came to out for the chance to drag race their bikes down the 1/8 of mile stretch of road. None stood out more than 18 year old high school senior Dawn'Dawn Wagner. Check out her bio information and pics.

I am 18 and a senior in High School. I live in Palm Springs California. I have been racing with my dad for the last two years and I have been riding all my life. I am a member of Ladies of Harley and, Harleys Owner Group, Abate of California. In 2004, I went to South Dakota and back with my dad on the back of his Bagger. On my 16th brithday my dad took me to Avi to drag race for the frist time. We took down my Buell Blast,Yamaha TTR-125, TTR- 90 along with my dads Low Rider FXDL Harley Davison. After that I was hooked.
This year in 2008, my dad and I built an 883 Sportster to drag down at Avi. This year we took a total of six bikes down and raced them all. We took the Lower Rider, Sportster, Buell Blast, Yamaha 90 & 125, and are little PW-50. The 25th of April was my first time on the drag bike that we had built. My fastest time on the sportster was 85mph and my dads was 90mph. I go faster on my bike than I do in my car. HAHA !
I want to thank all the people at Avi and Fast Track Racing for the chance to learn to race in a safe and legal place.
I will start college this summer and hope that I will still have time to drag race.We have been invited down to the Avi sand drags and Kingman drags and more. Drag racing is somthing that my family enjoys doing together. With many more years to come we start here.
"I WANT TO GO FASTER AND FASTER"

Monday Afternoon Comin' Down....

Manic Monday is here and gone and the week is off to its usual start. All of our weekend visitors have all gone home, and we are looking at another work-week in the Tri-State....

Sugarland dropped by Hit-Kickers today to chat about their current video, a cover of the 80's Dream Academy hit Life In a Northern Town and working on the clip with Little Big Town and Jake Owen. The video is a CMT exclusive and the tune can only be heard here on the Tri-State's #1 Country Station .

The 5 O'clock Traffic Jamz started the week off strong tonight. Thanks to everyone for calling in to fill your all request ride home. Call us to get your musical stress reliever every night on the 5 O'Clock Traffic Jamz.

Tonight we debuted brand new music from a true country music legend, Dolly Parton. Jesus and Gravity is the latest single from Dolly's Backwoods Barbie album. This may be a come back tune for Dolly, as she returns to here roots, and I don't mean the blonde ones. Please send us your comments on this tune and anything else you hear as the Catch of the Day.

Thanks to all of you that said hello to me and my guests this weekend at River Run. We enjoyed the weekend and hope everyone had a great, safe and sane time.


Seth

April 28th's Country Hit-Kicker's Trivia

Q. What superstar is the only artist to win three consecutive Diamond Awards, signfying sales of over 10 million units per album?

A. With albums The Woman In Me, Come On Over and On The Way, Shania Twain is the only artist in history to be awarded three consecutive Diamond Albums for sales of over 10 million units each.

We'd like to welcome a new listener, our winner today Merlisa Balcuore of Lake Havasu City

Tune in at 2:30 every day, during KFLAG's Country Hit-Kickers to get the trivia question of the day and then again after 4:30 for your chance to show how much you know and win KFLAG Swag.

PROM BRAINBUSTERS

Brad, Stacey, Spicolli and Rat all went to the prom in what movie? ("Fast Times At Ridgemont High")
Name the TV show in which the prom was held in the Jefferson High gymnasium. ("Happy Days")
In what movie did Michael J. Fox go to the "Enchantment Under The Sea Dance?" ("Back To The Future")
Name this movie: Proms were illegal in a small, midwestern town, until Kevin Bacon danced in and changed things. ("Footloose")
The prom in this movie turned bloody for John Travolta, Sissy Spacek and Amy Irving. ("Carrie")
A star who recently made a comeback took an Australian singer to the Rydell High School Prom. What movie are we talking about? ("Grease")
The Ramones played at the prom in this 1979 movie. (Rock 'n Roll High School)
Zach, Kelly and Screech went to the Bayside High School Prom on what TV show? ("Saved By The Bell")

DON'T WORRY, MOVE TO IRELAND

Ireland is the happiest country in the world but the luck of the Irish has nothing to do with it. An astonishing study of 11 industrialized nations found that Ireland has the lowest rate of depression, and experts say you can perk yourself up instantly by approaching life the way the Irish do. Here's how:
Maintain close ties with your family. -- Irish families get together as often as they can and it gives them a sense of belonging and security.
Turn loose your gift of the gab. -- The Irish are renowned for expressing their feelings, which helps them gain perspective and distance themselves from unpleasant thoughts.
Dance. -- The Irish are dancing fools. Jigging to a happy tune banishes negative emotions.
Be a nature lover. -- From the Celtic ancestors, the Irish have inherited a fondness for the outdoors and a deep respect for the natural world, both instant stress busters.
Share your bounty. -- The Irish realize that we're all rich in some way, even if our bank accounts are anemic, and they're willing to share what they have with others. Doing good deeds releases feel good hormones.
Tell yourself a joke. -- The Irish sense of humor has been admired and imitated for generations. Develop the ability to see the funny side of life and your brain will be flooded with mood enhancing endorphins.

Shep's Miners Inn & Yesterday's Restaurant

Shep's Miners Inn & Yesterday's Restaurant Rooms Available (closest motel to the "sky walk"), Live EntertainmentPhone: (928) 565-4251 Toll Free: (877) 565-4251

Email Miners4251@frontiernet.net Frank Turner entertains on Sundays from 2pm to 5pm with Karaoke for all. Frank then hosts open mic on Monday nights from 5pm to 8pm. Frank and Debbie Peochie entertain diners on Tuesday night, Debbie entertains solo on Wednesday nights, Al Brock provides entertainment on Friday and Bill Keller is the entertainer on Friday and Saturday nights.

DOG CHOICE REVEALS HER PERSONALITY

Susan Heitler, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, says that when a woman chooses a dog, "something about that dog needs to resonate with something the woman likes about herself":

• The pocketbook pup -- Maltese, Chihuahua. It means: She loves attention and flouts rules by taking the dog everywhere. John C. Wright, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Mercer University, says of such owners, "They're dying to hear, 'Oh, what a darling puppy.' -- as though it says something about them."
• The playful pooch -- Labrador, golden retriever. It means: She's adventurous, a guy's girl who's not afraid to sweat. A Lab says playful; a golden implies affection -- they like to lick, says Heitler. Licking is good.
• The mutt -- Could be anything. It means: She's bighearted, a rescuer, a woman who looks beneath the surface. She's very confident and says, "I see value in you, even though everyone else in the world thinks you're ugly," says Wright. Don't take it personally.
• The chic dog -- Pug, Kerry blue terrier. It means: She's trendy, possibly superficial, Heitler says. She may have bought it as a fashion accessory without studying its traits, warns Marty Becker, D.V.M., author of "Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul."
• The powerhouse -- Great Dane, Irish wolfhound. It means: She likes a challenge -- and protection. A powerful dog may mirror her personality. "The hidden agenda may be, "Be careful and don't do anything stupid," says Wright.

BEAT YOUR BAD HABITS

(Men's Health) Zero tolerance is the only way to break a bad habit. Son don't indulge scratch that inch mentally. Here's how:

• Wear a rubber band -- When you feel a craving coming on snap your wrist three times quickly. Scientists and torturers call this negative reinforcement: Craving equals pain. It's akin to smacking yourself in the nose with a newspaper.
• Pour yourself a glass of cure -- When it comes to nervous habits, water is your secret weapon. When you feel a craving coming on, chug at least 10 ounces of water. It's amazing how well this works.
• Switch sides of the bed -- If you're a consistent habit former, you should overhaul your routines; what time you wake up, what you eat for breakfast, what route you take to work, and so on every three months.

So why can't you meet a guy?

Often, women subconsciously give off 'keep away' signals," says psychotherapist Rhonda Findling, author of" The Dating Cure." Here are her five mistakes that may be keeping you from meeting the guy of your dreams:

• You hang with a big group of girls
• You always hit the same places
• You give some guys the cold shoulder
• You refuse to be set up
• You're too intent

Carrie Before She Was Famous

DRIVE YOUR TEEN CRAZY

From Mary McHugh author of "How to Ruin Your Children's Lives":

• Say, "You will thank me later for this."
• Drop your teenagers off where their friends can see you.
• Ruffle their hair while you're waiting to buy tickets in the movie line.
• Spit on a tissue and rub chocolate off their chins when you're out together in public.
• Wear an ankle bracelet.
• Demonstrate your favorite moves from when you were a high school cheerleader when they have friends over.
• Ask them if they need to go to the bathroom before they leave the house.
• Hint that you and your spouse are still having sex.
• Dance alone at any function where they can see you.
• Tell your best friend something they told you in confidence.
• Say, "But what will the neighbors think?"
• Say to one of their friends, "My, how you've grown."
• Ask, "Why does Britney Spears have to dress like that?"
• Find your old guitar and sing "Kumbaya" and "This Land Is Your Land" in front of their friends.
• Interrupt when they're talking to correct their grammar.
• Keep saying "Cool" in an effort to be cool.

WHO'S THE BOSS?

It's Administrative Professionals week, here are some tips to bossess on enhancing the relationship:

• Whenever possible, please keep us late. We have no homes to go to and are only thankful to spend the evening here.
• Send us out to cash your checks and buy stamps in all weather. Walking is exhilarating and as we sit down all day, the exercise does us good.
• Do walk out of the office without telling us where you're going or how long you might be. We enjoy telling people who wish to contact you urgently that we have no idea where you are or when you will return.
• When dictating, please parade up and down the room and practice your golf strokes, or better still, walk out of the room. We can understand what is said more distinctly.
• Hours for dictation: during the lunch hour, or any time after 4:30 pm.
• Schedule staff meetings first thing Monday morning or late Friday afternoon.
• Please interrupt us while we're on the phone. We have two ears, so we might as well use both of them at the same time.
• If you're being paged, please ignore it. We usually have no particular reason for wanting to locate you and enjoy hunting you down.
• Should you wish to write out a letter or report, please write with a blunt pencil using the left hand, and use plenty of arrows, balloons and other diagrams.
• When you've given us a rush project, be sure to use your intercom line frequently, or call us at regular intervals of 60 seconds to ask us to get minor items and to go for coffee.

Would you have an affair?

So said an article in Redbook. What really makes you vulnerable? Ways to predict if you'll have an affair:

• You work -- It provides opportunity simple because you spend 8 hours a day in close contact with men. And because women are still outnumbered by men in the workforce, they have more potential lovers.
• One of your parents cheated -- There's a greater tendency to repeat family patterns.
• You initiate sex with your husband -- If you're comfortable being the aggresor, then you won't have a problem coming on to someone you're interested in.
• Your friends are having affairs -- Peer pressure!
• You live in a big city -- Residents of small towns tend to frown on affairs. Most likely because everyone knows everyone.
• Your husband dominates you -- An affair can be a declaration of independence.
• You're better educated than your husband -- Perhaps because you feel more powerful.
• You're at a transition or crisis point -- Maybe approaching your 30th birthday or whatever and you feel uncertain about the direction of your life.
• You've just moved to a new community.
• A parent has recently died -- This may make you feel like doing things you know your mom or dad would have disapproved of.
• You and your husband spend a lot of time apart.
• You have a special friendship with a man.
• You've always been a "good girl."
• Your husband criticizes your looks -- Many of us, especially women, judge ourselves based on how we're viewed by others. But husbands often forget to give compliments or worse,feel free to find fault.
• You're content with your marriage -- This might cause you to believe that since you have all the love and security at home, it's okay then to have fun. You'll see sex and love as two totally different things.

SEXY LITTLE NUMBERS

Men's Health provides us with all the raw data on men’s need to sneak a peek.

• Movie actress the average guy would most like to see in Playboy: Catherine Zeta-Jones
• Measurements of the average centerfold: 36-23-35
• Chances her photo have been somehow "enhanced": 100%
• Number of men who would date a former centerfold: 2 in 3
• Of those, number who'd marry her: 3 in 4
• What the average guy would say if his daughter told him she was planning to appear in a adult magazine: "Over my dead body."
• Percentage of men who say they've looked at more porn since the invention of the Internet: 71%

"It's over" long before his mouth forms the words. Here's some clues:

According to body language experts, non-verbal communication makes up about half of what we really mean when we communicate. Relationship expert Laura Snyder says his body is saying "It's over" long before his mouth forms the words. Here's some clues:

1. The Limp Handhold -- If you're not connecting physically - with a firm palm-to-palm handhold, or with your fingers interlaced intimately - it could be that he's pulling away emotionally. Or that he doesn't want to publicly cop to being part of a couple.
2. The Half Hug -- A lame embrace signals discomfort. The one-shoulder hug or pulling away can be a sign your mate is distancing from the relationship. And watch out for that little pat on the back. According to body language experts, it's a sign of uneasiness, indicating your mate is uncomfortable with what he's doing.
3. The Listless Kiss -- The tongue and lips are there, but there's something missing. If his mind seems somewhere else - or worst, you catch him scoping the room! - you know he's distancing himself.
4. The Evasive Eye -- Lovey-dovey couples get lost in each other's gaze. If you're having trouble even catching your honey's eye, it could be a sign he's avoiding you. And watch where he's looking when he's talking to you. According to private investigators, we look to the left when we're using the creative side of our brains, indicating that whatever he's telling you is likely to be untrue.
5. The Fleeing Feet -- Where the toes point, the heart follows. When you're out with other people, look down at your honey's feet. If they're pointed at you, you're in the clear. But if they're pointed at someone else, your mate may be looking to walk in that direction.

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW

• Sandra Bullock and her husband, Jesse James, were hit by a drunk driver Friday night. Bullock, who is filming "The Proposal" on Cape Ann, and James were being driven home when a station wagon smashed into their front end. No one was injured.
• One industry analyst says that it appears oil is headed on its way to $125 a barrel.
• After getting kicked off "American Idol" last week, Kristy Lee Cook revealed that she and her boyfriend got engaged on March 15. She said they haven't picked a date yet, but are shooting for a year from June.
• The last earthquake in the Midwestern U.S. to approach the severity of Friday's tremor was a 5.0 magnitude quake that shook a nearby area in 2002.
• "Lost" returns this Thursday night at its new time, 10pm. Meanwhile, the writers just finished the 2-hour season finale and it will be shot by two different film crews to help protect the secret of what happens.
• Carrie Underwood has just taped her first commercial for Vitamin Water. Coming soon to a TV near you.
• Spanish pop singer Enrique Iglesias says he has tried repeatedly to convince his girlfriend Anna Kournikova to marry him -- with no luck.
• In William Shatner's autobiography, he says he never knew how much the cast members resented him while they were making the series.
• David Hasselhoff has agreed to pay $25,000 a month to support his ex-wife and daughters.
• Cate Blanchett left the hospital with her baby son, last Wednesday.
• The title of the next X-Files movie is "I Want to Believe."

Guy Bluffs His Way Into New Iron Man Movie

29-yeasr-old Carl Kelly of Great Britain has done the impossible. He bluffed his way onto the set of the new Iron Man movie and even got to act in a scene with Gwyneth Paltrow! He had wandered onto the set of Iron Man while staying at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas and bluffed his way past a security guard. He soon found himself sitting next to Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr. He confided to his fellow extras that he was an imposter, but they agreed to keep quiet, and after three hours a make up artist began touching up his features and filming began. He was so close to the action that he is clearly visible in promotional photos being used to publicize the film. And after seven hours of being an extra, the film's director asked him to act with Gweneth Paltrow. Kelly said, "She would put her hand on my shoulder and I was to guide her past the table. Some 38 takes later, I think they were getting pretty fed up with me, but that's what happens when you let an untrained nobody into your film." After spending the day filming, Kelly, missed his plane and had to pay for another flight. He said, "I only found out I was still in the film when I was looking at the website. At least my friends now believe me." (Ananova)

The Husband's Bill of Rights

Preamble:

We, the husbands of America, do not claim to be perfect. We're far from it. While we love being married to the wives of America, we have a few things that we'd like to straighten out. We're not asking for the world here. We understand that things like following our college football team to every away game is out of the question, as are after-dinner cigars. However; there are a few minor things that we'd like to clear up to make our marriage a happy one.

Amendment I

We have the right to go out with our friends at least once a month.
A man's relationship with his buddies is a bond that should never be broken. It helps keep us feeling young, connected and sane. It also helps us break the routine just like nights with the girls do for you. Even as we reach middle age, we like the fact that we still have a "crew."

Amendment II

We reserve the right to dislike your friend's husbands.
We promise to give the guy a fair shot, but when he starts acting like a moron, we can no longer authorize events with that family. And yes, wives have the same freedom to blackball when the tables are turned. It doesn't mean we like your friend any less, it just means that in her haste to have a big, fancy wedding, she chose a jackass that we don't want to spend our rare time off with. Listening to stories about how "wicked" he was on the French horn in his bitchin' ‘80s band is just too much.

Amendment III

We have the right to have a few things of ours in the house.
Everything we hold near and dear to us shouldn't all be in the garage. While we understand that our framed KISS concert poster might not make it on the living room wall, at least throw us a bone. The scene in "Juno" where Jason Bateman realized that everything he held near and dear was in a 200-square-foot room was a gut-shot to us all.

Amendment IV

We have the right not to be scolded by you.
We are your husbands, not your children. We don't mean to track dirt onto the carpet or get chips on the couch, but it's not like we just got a lap dance. Don't treat us like your children and we'll do our best not to act like them.

Amendment V

We have the right to teach our sons how to burp and fart.
Sharing bodily functions with our offspring is as much about life as it is about jokes. It's also something that can help brings kids and dads together. Believe me, kids and guys always laugh at farts—that's how we're wired. And we're not talking about being totally gross and inappropriate. We vow to teach them that there is a time and a place for behavior like this—and that the early service at Church is not one of them.

Amendment VI

We have the right to teach our children how to defend themselves.
Fighting is barbaric, terrible, and scary. But it's also part of growing up. We want our kids to be able to get out of a bad situation, not be bullied, and be able to take care of themselves. One of the plus sides of learning how to take care of yourself is that the more you know, the less you have to use it. Teaching our offspring how to defend themselves in a scary world is one of the basic duties of a father.

Amendment VII

We have the right to as much reading material in the bathroom as we need.
Sometimes we're in there a while, we can't help it. And no, we're not hiding … most of the time.

Amendment VIII

We have the right to watch the big game.
We care too much about our teams. We know it's not rational, but it's who we are. No one can explain the love men have for their teams, but you may as well embrace it because that love will not die. If you don't believe this, just remember the Boston Red Sox had the most loyal fans in sports and didn't win a World Series for 86 years.

Amendment IX

We have the right to the remote when we're on the couch.
This is something that's in our DNA. We know it, and you know it. If there's any doubt, watch us surf at top speed while knowing if a show is worth watching after stopping on it for .2 seconds. It's a thing of beauty.

Amendment X

We have the right to still use chivalry.
Yes … we know women are strong and independent, and we dig that. But allow us to open the door for you, or give up a seat and act like a gentleman once in a while. The world will be a better place because of it.

The Wife's Bill of Rights

Preamble:
We, the wives of America, love being married to the husbands of America. We know we have our faults, but with our ever-morphing roles these days, there's a lot of pressure on us to be superhuman. We care for our families, manage the home, keep ourselves attractive, and even bring home our shares of the bacon. We know we sometimes lash out, but we really do want to "live happily ever after" with you. Our mutual acknowledgement of these amendments can go a long way toward achieving that.

Amendment I
We have the right to dislike your buddies.
We know it's important for you to have your guy friends, but you should know by now that we're not turned on by your stories of the good old days at college, your sexual exploits, or which relief pitcher the Red Sox should trade. Disappear for a while and be boys—it's OK, go chug beer and high-five—but please don't expect us to be happy when your friends come over and put their feet on our coffee tables or leave their beer cans on the floor.

Amendment II
We have the right to experience PMS in all its glory.
Either give us our space or accept the consequences. We know it's unfair, but some of us just can't rein it in. You knew that before you married us. We may shout, cry, belittle, act irrationally. It lasts a few days each month, so please deal with it. Or even better: Bring home dinner, clear the dishes, and give us a big hug.

Amendment III
We have the right to demand you finish a household job.
We're not your mothers, and we loathe having to act like them. If you wash the dishes, do them all and clean the sink, too. Don't just bag the trash, take it outside to the bin. If you start a load of laundry, put it in the dryer and fold it too. We don't like nagging any more than you like hearing it.

Amendment IV
We have the right to an honest answer to "What's wrong?"
We admit guilt in this area too, but "Nothing" says nothing. If we ask, it's not because we're trying to make casual conversation. It's because we love you and need an honest answer. If there truly is nothing wrong, then ask why we think otherwise. Yes, this could open a can of worms, but remember when we dated and talked about everything?

Amendment V
We have the right to keep our secrets.
Not marriage-ending ones, just small secrets we choose to hide from others. If we don't want to speak our age or share our true hair color or reveal the cheesy TV shows we watch in private, it's not your place to reveal them to our friends, your business partners, or your ex-girlfriends/wives. We're not asking you to lie for us, but we would appreciate your discretion.

Amendment VI
We have the right to clean air.
You may think it's funny, masculine, or natural to pass gas anywhere and anytime you please, but when the smell drives us to gag, it's uncool. There is something inherently wrong in the relationship if you must walk over to us and fart, or if you intentionally set a bad example for the kids. We fart too, but we do so discreetly for a reason. You may not like our potpourri and scented candles, but they're infinitely better than toxic and flammable methane.

Amendment VII
We have the right to keep and bear tons of girly bathroom products.
You have your tools; so do we. These items are expensive and to be used sparingly. It brings no joy to see our $15 bath bar shrunk down to the size of a quarter after two passes on your chest and legs.

Amendment VIII
We have the right to speak to our girlfriends every day.
About whatever we want, whenever we want. Please don't eavesdrop or criticize. We know you're not that interested in gossip or psycho-analytical interpretations of why some people do what they do, so we turn to our like-minded female friends for instant gratification. Yes, we do talk about you—a lot. It helps us work through issues. This keeps us happy, sane and, usually, off your case.

Amendment IX
We have the right to flirt.
Not the kind that makes you jealous, but the healthy practice of connecting with another person on a non-sexual level. Light banter is fun, quick-witted, and encouraging to our self esteem. It might even remind you of why you fell in love with us. And if it gets us a smoking deal on that new furnace or a free stay for the family at a million-dollar ski chalet, so much the better.

Amendment X
We have the right to foreplay.
A fine bottle of wine, soft music, deep looks into each other's eyes, compliments, holding hands, cuddling—these are all forms of foreplay, and we insist on them. Please don't reach for our crotch or breasts and expect us to melt into a porn kitten. It didn't work when we met, it most certainly doesn't work now. Sure, we women are strong and independent, and appreciate an inspired quickie when the moment strikes, but we also have an inner soft spot the size of Texas that needs squeezing and cherishing. We appreciate you more when you think about how it feels to us rather than how it feels to you.

Can't move on?

• Ask yourself what caused the death of the relationship? Did the heart of the relationship break down due to a lack of maintenance? Did you take each other for granted? Were you mismatched from the beginning?
• Make a list of positives and negatives. Fold a paper in two, lengthwise and make two columns. Title the first column, "Positive" and the second column, "Negative". Honestly list all of the positives and negatives about the dearly departed relationship. If the negative side is longer, why are you so sad? Feel happy that you are now free to start over, fall in love all over again and make a fresh start!
• Bury Your Relationship. Now that you have ascertained the cause of death, it is time to allow the relationship to rest in peace.
• Perform Your Personal Memorial Service. Put away all of the little reminders and mementos that keep evoking your sadness. Put them away in a box, somewhere obscure in your house, or if you are really strong, throw them out! If there are belongings of his at your residence, pack them up and ship them to him. Do not hold on to them. They are either insignificant to him or he is trying to avoid drama by not picking them up in person. Don't enclose any heartfelt note and don't damage them; just ship them to him. Do not stalk him in any way, shape or form. Don't access his voicemail, don't check his e-mail and don't go online with his passwords for his match listing or his cell phone.

How To Deal With A Bad Boss:

(The National Enquirer) Thinking of quitting your job because your boss is making your life a nightmare? There are several easy steps you can take to get along with a bad boss, even if he's a monster, here are top tips from FabJob.com.

Mimic those who successfully deal with your boss -- "Study your boss, and try to deduce how those who get along with him relate to him,” "Then, copy their behavior."

• Support your boss -- "Most bosses want all the back-up they can get. This is especially true for the new supervisor who fears losing control, losing face and losing his or her job."
• Stand up for yourself -- "Supporting your boss isn't the same as being a doormat. Sometimes, bosses intentionally pick on the weaker employee. Do not tolerate being yelled at or treated badly. Say, 'It's not okay to talk to me like that.' Sometimes bosses aren't aware of what they're doing. You can bring this problem to your boss' attention while still being respectful, and your boss may respect you more for standing up for yourself. "But don't complain to your boss’s superior. It can be a big mistake. That supervisor may decide he needs your boss more than he needs you, and out you go."
• Document the problem -- "If your boss is a bully, keep a written record of every bullying incident and, whenever possible, have a witness. Many companies have a zero-tolerance policy toward harassment or bullying. Look for support from your human resources department or senior management. But you must have a well-document case."
• Quit -- "If your situation does not improve, you may have to look for another job,” "The worst thing you can do is nothing, and sacrifice your health and self-esteem."

What you wear to bed reveals your personality

For Men:

• Pajamas -- You're a no-nonsense kind of guy, direct and straightforward. Once you've committed yourself, your relationships tend to last. You are steady, hardworking and you enjoy rugged outdoor activities.
• Boxer Shorts/Briefs -- You're good at details and like order in your life. You are warm, friendly and caring. You remember birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates.
• Long Johns -- You're practical, secure about yourself, and you don't follow trends. You work on a task until it is completed. You don't like variety once you find a style you like, you stick with it.
• T-shirts -- You're a down-home kind of man, not easily impressed by superficial people or material possessions. You're mellow, slow to anger and enthusiastic at work.
• Nude -- You are creative, high-spirited, quick-tempered, and you have great confidence in your ability to achieve your goals. At work you're known as an "idea man" who can quickly grasp the complexities of a problem and readily find a solution.

For Women:

• Baby Dolls or Nightgowns -- Sensual, sensitive and romantic, you're always looking for excitement. You are also neat, orderly and meticulous about your appearance.
• Flannel or Other Heavy Pajamas -- You're a warm, caring person with a smile for everyone and a hug for those who need it. You enjoy outdoor activities like camping and hiking and you're very practical.
• Teddy, Chemise or Camisole -- You are very feminine, and you like to be coddled, petted and pampered. You love candlelight dinners.
• Childlike Pajamas -- You like the warmth and coziness of a strong, safe relationship. You're reliable and steady at work and play.
• T-shirt or Team Jersey -- Generous and warm, you make friends easily. You are playful in your relationship. People confide in you, knowing you're trustworthy.
• Nude -- You're sensual, spontaneous, independent, and you respond to challenges at the drop of a hat. You are very trusting and like open